I found a journal from when I was working at a market research firm a little over a year ago and it brought back some feelings.

Nov. 26/08

Holy f*&king s*&t…the s*(t has hit the fan.  The Winnipeg [office] is closing!  While everyone else is freaking out, there’s me getting excited because now I’m going to be a full time freelance writer!

That was when I first found out that our office was going to close.  I was in shock but I was really excited and happy.

Nov. 27/08

I think everyone is still reeling from the shock except me – because I’ve got a good reason now to do what I want.  I’m going to be able to live my dream….

I was thinking that I should maybe be more worried about being laid off than I am but…honestly, I think this could be one of the best things to happen to me.  Already tonight I’ve had several people contact me about work and one of my clients is sending me another possible client!

…I realized last night that I could also start writing my novel.  A kind of sci-fi/erotica novel I guess.  I have a lot of details worked out and I think it will be great….

That’s the next day.  I was so excited and I look back and wonder what the heck happened.  I don’t hate my job now – it’s ok.  But it’s not what I really want to do.  And I don’t really feel appreciated.  Or fulfilled.  And I’m wondering if I should re-think my position.  Should I give up the security of a decent job to follow my dream?